When your sin is to change – How BDSM impacts (y)our reality

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Sin a big word. Loaded with images from age old religious convictions, we often connect sin with God, Church and all kinds of forbidden forms of sexual expression. For this reason, sin is not a popular term in the BDSM-world. We are more a practical community, focused on human needs and humane ways to find a safe way to get our needs met. Why then sin?

In this blog entry we will examine the connections between sex and sin as seen from four different angles: the religious view, the societal view, the feminist view and the sex-positive BDSM view. Together this will provide us with insight of the past, present and future of BDSM actions. And of course, the sin to change …


From sin to sex – unavoidable from a religious point of view
For many of us who still have been raised in a Judean-Christian context, the step from sex to sin is only a small one. Assuming that the Old Testament was written in Babylon; the Bible can be seen as a collection of religious texts that date back roughly 2-2.5 millennia ago. As such – seen from a literal perspective – they accordingly represent the views of the individual authors and the cultures they lived in.

So seen, there is nothing wrong with these ideas; they are part of history and some of these values have been proven useful and other have not. Otherwise, there seems to be something wrong with these ideas, as they are still regarded as an authority by many followers of the one Christian faith. And for those who see a larger entity or power behind the texts that we have, the views on sex that the historical authors once had, are often seen as binding for all ages.

But it is not this kind of more or less Christian concept of sin or sex I wish to address, but rather the effect that change has on tradition. Any acceptance of new convictions brings along that we now reject other convictions, because we no longer hold them valid. So seen, traditional views on sexuality, perversion of sexuality and the morals of sexuality are not easy to change as long as the institutions that maintain the moral, religious or legislative power do not likewise see this change of mind as necessary. Therefore, for a majority of the world, their sexuality is not based on freely living out what they desire, but rather to conform their sexual identity and urges to the strict guidelines of the religions they adhere to.


From sin to sex – hardly avoidable from a societal point of view
When religious convictions regarding sexuality govern large parts of the world, they also do in most societies. Due to the separation of Church and State in the free West, some critique on religious authority has started to grow since the renaissance and lead to the current situation of declining numbers in Christian converts, the rise of fundamentalism and many wars between science and religion.

In the free West, human rights have become the basis of public morality, but still religious convictions do play a major role in the assessment what sexual behavior is acceptable for society and what not. We only have to look at China, where despite being an essentially atheist culture, nevertheless the sexual freedom is very limited. As with many not so open societies, political views have taken the place of religious texts and even when sex offenders are called offenders and not sinners, the result is the same; rejection of who those people are and punishment for what they do.

In a way, even in the free West we needed quite some time to free ourselves from prejudges. Less than forty years ago same-sex orientation was seen as a mental disorder. Sadomasochism still is by many in our ‘open minded’ society. And the mechanisms are always the same; those who  have the power to influence moral findings use all the power they have to continue their own story of what is right and wrong.


From sin to sex – sometimes avoidable from a feminist point of view
Feminism brought many good things to society. The best thing was that they brought back the awareness that when female rights are ignored, society as a whole cannot prosper and grow. As such feminism was a mechanism of change which – amongst others - did address female sexual rights – regarding birth control, regarding the own legitimacy of female sexuality, regarding respect and safety for females as sexual beings.

So seen, did feminists add to necessary changes in society, but its effects could have been much larger if not religious convictions would have claimed control. With this I mean the idea of female superiority – which is not there – or the idea of regarding all institutional power - and particularly abusive power – in Government, Church and society, as strongholds of male interest.

Together with this battle of the sexes, also the view on what female sexuality was or should be got very thoroughly deconstructed and reconstructed again. As any theorist or activist is influenced by their individual upbringing, sub-culture and experiences, feminism fell apart in many different groups that consequently started to battle for the label of ‘true’ feminism.

There was and is still more openness for change, growth and maturity, but the energies now seem mostly spend or directed at New Age religious movements. Once academics discovered feminism, the warriors of the first two waves were regarded as too radical and normality set in as usual.


From sin to sex – avoidable from a BDSM point of view
Leaning on sex-positive feminism, many same-sex persons and kinks started to free themselves from the shackles of religion, tradition and Freud. Sex is no longer seen as sin, but sin is seen as holding on to truths that find no warrant in reality. Sin is in a way seen as failing to be the person one could actually be when one would be liberated and free.

The mechanisms that govern such a process are based on views like the above mentioned sex-positive feminism, but also on new insights in genetics (with regard to the gender issue), evolution theory (with regard to the development of sexual behavior) and in sexology (about how sex actually relates to us being human).

From depth psychology we have learned that most of our psyche is still subconscious. We learned about how desires function, how society and religion influence our behavior and how we can connect religious issues and concepts like sin, guilt and freedom with rational concepts like Archetypes of God, the Great Mother, the Shadow and the eternal male Animus and the eternal female Anima, to name just a view.

Taking those mechanisms into account, sex-positive thinking has brought us a revaluation of sexuality which effects in less condemnation and more patience, acceptance and understanding for both modern and historical views.


From sin to sex – The sin to change …
The sin to change is taking the chance of improving your sexual life. This can be seen as a sin, when your society does not agree with that change. For BDSM this is still the case for most of us. Many of my friends outside and in the Dominion cannot fully out themselves; too hard the consequences regarding our jobs, neighborhood or families.

When Sir Cameron goes out with two of more women, you see the people think. Once you cuddle all of them, a hand here, a kiss there, you literally see their worldview displayed on the screen of their facial expressions. Disbelief, disgust, envy, curiosity; to name just a view. Which is all okay, of course. No one should think that these persons are not entitled to their opinion, but it sucks big time, when you go out with your subs and then get remarks like; “do you wear something under that?”, “do you need a real man?”, “may I try her ass too?” (males do ask things like that) and “why do you do that?”, “have you been a victim, or manipulated?” or “dumb sluts!” (which are typical female remarks).

Out on the street you can expect intolerance, after all, we are the abnormal with a sick sexuality. Yet even the BDSM scene itself is again getting less tolerant as it was in the nineties. For this I see a few reasons.



  • First we have the enfolding curse of pornography that uses sexual images to govern our sexual experiences and does not communicate that masturbation fantasies are not a good recipe for relations and sexual interactions that are not based upon fucking like animals.
  • Secondly, we see an attitude when truth, morality and justice are involved that can be seen as an increasingly relativist position. As anyone has his own truth and nothing is generally valid, you can be as egocentric as it goes.
  • Thirdly, many newcomers to the scene are attracted by the sheer sexuality of what we do, but on the other hand are not really aware where this attractions is based upon and what it actually is what they seek.


In a next blog, I will work out these three points in order to see what challenge we face and how we can use pornography, egoism and curiosity for the better of all of us.


Conclusion
Summarizing we can say that sin and sex have a common past. Sin and evil are intrinsically religious concepts that are used to show how we can live a life in honor of the Deities such religions represent. Control over sexual behavior also meant control over the population, consumption and satisfaction. It that what comes naturally, is converted into a culture of shame and guilt, the priests and prophets have a valuable coin that can be cashed in any time they choose.

Resistance against change in sexual behavior can thus be seen as an attempt to conserve power. An understandable but not always reasonable mechanism. At the end, the facts usually wins. If not, the casualties will be high; as history has shown, when most perverts have been victims and have been pathologized in order to avoid having to change the leading opinions.

The solution will be to avoid both terminology like sick or discriminated, but to dynamically use the concept of ‘sin’, ‘evil’ and ‘bad’ to explain where history and tradition got it wrong. Because humans are very sexual beings, the number of listeners will grow. Perhaps if we learn to channel sexual energy properly, a better world will get closer – at least it will have a lot more fun.

Enjoy and stay healthy

Sir Cameron


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