The Games of BDSM; levelling and drops
We need to stop idealizing certain BDSM features, states or reputations. We look around - to people we admire, to nature, to the Gods even – all with an attitude that is open for teachings. But the idea of having to be perfect, or ideal, is frustrating.
Yet, once in a while you step back, you will see that you actually had something pretty awesome going. We learn and develop and most of us love to grow; we are workers and do-ers and not wishing to sexually retire because we have seen and done everything; on the contrary, once you have achieved some form of mastery – and in this context even being a slave can be done masterly – you wish to go ahead.
So, once you have reached a level you are comfortable with, there is plenty of time to enjoy it, to linger about the possibilities it is offering to you and to live out what you have become and really own it.
Unfortunately, some now and then there is that matter with set backs; those situations when you are not able to reach your usual level or quality of performance. This is quite natural of course, as life itself is always full with ups and downs. Why should it be different with kink? It is still frustrating though!
The answer is as simple as it is hard; just go on. Trust in your abilities, in your experience and in your skills; take a step back, breath through, concentrate and fall back to a level you are comfortable with, then just try and try and try. Soon you will have overcome the set back. The easier you will be able to go ahead, the less frustrated you will be if a set back occurs, as you know from previous routine, that you will be back on top in no time.
Do not forget that BDSM is mainly an activity that expresses our inner urges and wishes. When something feels wrong, it is normal to panic or get blocked from the inside. Normally the situation is not completely wrong; you just touched a limit or where about to cross a line that was not so clear that you saw it coming in advance. Now, just relax. Not completely being in the scene anymore is no reason to stop it, only to take a pause, step back a level and pick up again at that point where you were having fun. Mutual fun builds trust.
And if you have done something stupid, immature or whammed through a limit and the thrill is gone; then stop, offer your apologies, cool down and talk it over. Once you show you are sorry and really do care, no one will blame you for not being perfect. When you take responsibility for your actions, you keep the power to yourself.
You were completely taken by your bottom? You got lost in the Power of the Dark Side? Whatever, you should not be afraid to be imperfect, stop worrying and continue to do what you are good at. Your bottoms will thank you for it anyway; it is their nature.